Poem: Clouded Night

 Clouded Night 1/17/13

 

On the clouded night

of my desperate attempt to find love

where a kind heart

Interrupted my path

I found … my soul mate

 

Where I could strip myself

Of stretch marked scars

And inebriated thoughts

As to why I’m imperfect

Because he perfectly fit into my world…

 

Though small and filled

with chaotic attempts to find happiness..

Somehow …

 I felt happy was in his smile

So I got drunk off him…

 

I allowed my paint stroke to capture his strength

Because in just a short conversation…

I felt like he held onto my words..

As if … grounding me to him…

 but in the moment

 

I couldn’t look into his charcoal eyes

For fear I’d burn my own truths…

He was married.

I was just a passerby

And I… would never know his love…

What it would mean to feel

the passion he exudes for his family…

 

For it to be my own…

Fantasy… never replays quite like real play

So lips, don’t touch

in the syncopated rhythm of my heart…

Rather they

 

only allow words to pass through…

 just enough to maintain

a decent conversation

when foreplay backtracks in my mind…

I mean; this man- he was

 

Like Savannah mornings with dew droplets on blades of grass…

Like… warm beaches and erosions of sand…

Where seas shells hold the mystery of an ocean…

Like… Obama… right before elections…

Like…the peak of your vocals right before orgasms…

 

I was wrapped into him….

Assured on one thing…

That I was searching

for a love that can be placed inside a friend…

And I found him…

 

Nestled comfortably inside a happy home…

One I will never fully know…

So, I cannot under-appreciate his presence…

I will not overstep my boundaries

 

I promise to be flawed in my efforts

to remain humble…

Only to excuse

the mishap thoughts I have

 when he smiles

 

I found what I was looking for…

On the clouded night

of my desperate attempt to find love

Just a little too late.

(c) 2013. Leandrea Hill.  All Rights Reserved.

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