This morning I am finding a need to vent.
I for the past 2.5 years (total 4 years if you include the time before these diabetic wounds came) have been care taking for my mother; more so assisting her with living. I have numerously taken time away from my own career focusing on the growth of my small business and performances to ensure her well being. I won’t begin to discuss the lack of effort put forth to promote my book, which in a few months has been released an entire year. So, this brings me to my current state. I have done all I can to get my mom to eat right, do right, live right… and she continuously chooses to do her own thing. She continues to give herself “just one treat” every day. I’m like you haven’t changed. Yes, she has made strides in her healing. However, it kills me to know that she has not made the full and complete effort to stop eating unhealthy and to FULLY care for her diabetes among other things. She is lucky to not be on insulin- which I believe she is but refuses to take… and she is lucky to still have both her legs and feet after this 2 plus year ordeal.
Nevertheless, what fumes me today- is I’m unpacking the car of her little shopping spree- which I wont discuss about because I’ll side track on that for entirely too long. In the car, she has purchased a number of things she claims are for other ppl. Then I get to the bag with the Fritos… FRITOS- I hate Fritos. My mom has been battling me forever over these stupid snacks that will spark her sugar levels. Yet, she continuously buys them. So I say- mom- after seeing the snack size variety pack… “who is this for.. ?” She goes “such n such” I say “ok… so who are the Fritos for?” She goes “the house”. I’m like Are u serious? – in my head-… WHAT HOUSE? It’s her and I here… and she knows I HATE THEM and she should not even have them. So, I’m sure you are like… why is she tripping on Fritos? It’s not the Fritos 100%. It’s the lack of care that someone else has put their life on hold to TAKE CARE of you- and you refuse to do right, so you can heal. It is completely inconsiderate. It shows that you are being selfish- as you will allow your health to falter, so another can provide hand and foot services to you. Granted she can do a lot on her own NOW… but it has not always been this way. I deal with her pain just as much as she does, the restless nights, the tears, everything. I’ve done everything I can- I’ve fought doctors, nurses, even her on becoming healthy or taking the right meds or checking her levels… but that seems to be in one ear and out the other. I simply walked away today.
How can I continue to put my life on hold another 8-9 months…? I gave up so much of myself to be here for her to still bring Fritos in the house…It’s a smack in my face. I don’t know if yall even read this far to care… but if you are a caretaker… I’m open to you commenting. Or if you just have a word of advice. How does one cope with a loved one who despite all efforts, will continue to do as they please- irregardless to those who are trying to help them? What do I do-? I’ve thrown out everything… scolded… sweet talked… hid… and still nothing.
This vent was much needed.
Sometimes- it’s the smallest thing like Fritos – that sends someone off the richter scale.
Leandrea… Frito Hater. lol.